I will learn to love the skies I'm under...

~ An impromptu post ~

Earlier today while out running errands I had a moment.  These moments have no set schedule; daily, weekly, monthly...there is no method to the madness of when I think about my mother and it really hurts.  These specific moments always happen in the car, where I'll break down in tears and heartache.   This is how I've always coped; it's self-preserving and doesn't make other people uncomfortable.  Because, like it or not, you won't understand until you've buried a parent. I was in the zone thinking about everything I needed to do before this weekend and then it hit me...the Mr. Hyde to my Birthday...Mother's day.  My birthday is always on/around Mother's day. And in the words of my musical hero Chris Martin, "every tear is a waterfall" and tears did come-a-floodin'.  Mother's Day is the hardest day of the year for me. Worse then her birthday or the day she died, because on Mother's Day almost every person I know is celebrating something I lost. 

So yeah, I was totally having a pity party in my car today.  But God has an amazing way of making himself known in your life and bringing you back to reality.  While at a stoplight I decided to check my Instagram feed (I'm kind of a junky) and noticed that a few of my blogger friends had been posting and re-posting #redballoonsforryan. Because I have a huge case of FOMO (fear of missing out) I had to know what this meant.  I mean, God forbid I miss out on some awesome viral hashtag opportunity. So I did some "research" (all while still sitting at the stoplight) and part of me wishes I hadn't.  My already fragile heart (albeit self-imposed) broke into a million pieces.  Jacqui, (a popular blogger) of Baby Boy Bakery lost her 3 1/2 year old boy Ryan in a tragic accident last Friday.  While out playing in a neighbor's yard (like so many of our little ones do) "Ryan was hit by a truck and went home to be with Jesus. It all happened so fast and he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.  A simple excitement to grab the Frisbee that had escaped into the road was met with a tragic loss."

I couldn't breathe.  I still can't as I write this.  I felt so selfish for crying over my mother, a woman who got to live a very beautiful life and see her children grow.  Children are supposed to bury their parents...that is how nature goes and that is what nature dictates.  But it is beyond cruel for that role to be reversed.  I cannot fathom the idea of burying my own child, so much so that the thought makes me sick and I begin to cry again for Jacqui.  She is a woman I don't even know...but she is a mother, which makes us sisters, and I pray for my sister today. 

All these posts and pictures of Ryan and his family made me realize that we can not be constantly tortured over what we don't have, or have lost.  We need to focus on what we do have and all the things we can gain...from faith, love, and prayer.  My heart bleeds for this family and all my love goes out to them, especially Jacqui with Mother's Day around the corner.  And instead of being sad on Sunday I will praise God for giving me 25 years with a wonderful mother, and for blessing me with my family. I know thay my mom looked down and saw my tears today. I know her and my Savior sent me this message, and it was heard loud & clear. I know that my mother, along with all the other angels in heaven, will welcome Ryan with hugs, lollipops and red balloons, and I pray that God lays his hand over his parents for healing.  

Remember lovies...the Pampers comes before the Pearls for a reason, and that is why I tell my son I love him every day! 

*To read more about Ryan's story go here.  And to show your own love & support, Jacqui and her family have asked that you "remember Ryan.  Let his loss not be in vain.   Pray for them, join them in posting pictures of Ryan on your Facebook, your twitter, your Instagram feeds. Post them that the memory of him can live on. Post them to share in the love they had for their little boy." Use the hashtag #redballoonsforryan. 

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